That feeling....

when you look into your room after you've been gone long enough to forget about all of your stuff.  I love that feeling; it's restful, it's quiet.

I'm back from India.  I made myself laugh reading my last post.  I didn't see anyone using the restroom on the streets.  It was loud, but not deafening...and it was quiet at night until the 5am Muslim prayer call (In the words of one of my teammates, "Does that guy ever sleep in?!").  There were smells, but they came and went.  There were definitely open sewers.  I think the floor I work on at the hospital overly prepared me for those things.  No big.  Traffic was so crazy, we were just sure someone would die about every 5 minutes. A car even bumped into ours, and I didn't even realize it due to the surrounding chaos. The medical camps--insane.  Order flew out the window.  Shoving, yelling, pushing...all while attempting to take a manual BP.

So there's a glimpse.  Once I can figure out how to get some pics off of my camera, you will be seeing them!!  It was a great trip; now it is good to be home :)

Thoughts before I go...

It feels so wonderful to have a whirlwind week, get stuff done, and feel prepared for the next day!  Thankfully, I got alot done at work and I am able to leave for India feeling good about what I've left behind.

Can I tell you how excited I am?  I'm excited.  I did get nervous briefly yesterday while throwing my laundry in the dryer, of all things, and thinking, "This is the last time I will do my laundry for 2 weeks..."  And it kind of hit me.  I finished packing last night, so I am taking the morning slow.  Slow mornings are the best.

As I mentioned before, I have been reading everything I can about India, trying to learn as much as possible.  Here are some thoughts I have before I go:

--How bad can it really smell?
--How loud can it really be?
--Surely there aren't people everywhere, and surely they don't go to the bathroom just anywhere.....
--Will the Brahmans really treat people as I've read?
--How severe is the caste system in 2012?  And what does that look like in real, everyday encounters?
--Why are my teammates saying that they won't bring their clothes back because they'll be too dirty, and yet, we won't be wearing gloves while in the clinic?
--I hope that I can remain focused and make the best use of our time there.
--I already love these people who I haven't met.  How much more does God care for them and want to have a relationship with them!
--I hope that somehow, a sense of urgency is communicated.  That this life is all we are given, and we have a choice to make.

It will be really interesting to see how the ideas in my head compare with the real deal.  I'm sure when I get back I will be laughing at some of these things.  Or I might be saying, "Yeah, they weren't lying--they really do ____!"

That's all I have for now!
Until we meet again, my friends......

[this calls for ice cream]

this week is over!

Just to say

To start, my lips have been so chapped!

To continue, life has been super stressful between the new job, the fact that Joint Commission is coming this week, making the schedule, and thoughts of leaving the country very soon. But, who's not busy?

To finish, I'm so thankful for the other things. Like hurricane cleaning with my roommate. Like dinner around the table with family. Like hunting flies with towels in the kitchen afterwards. Like windchimes. Like a chapstick.

Doxology

Porous

Porous is a really weird word once you look at it. 
That said, these past few weeks I have been a sponge, soaking up all of the information I can about India.  Looking up facts on Google, reading wikipedia articles, and running across things that other people have pointed me towards.  I am so excited to put faces and stories to the ideas/situations/dreams that are in my head.  I know there will be difficult times; being stressed and in a different environment are the perfect ingredients for Emo Lauren to emerge.  My prayer is that in those times the Lord would give me peace and allow me to see the bigger picture.  The thing that I don't want to do is to get in the way.

//edit post// The following should be prefaced by the fact that throughout high school, college, and since, there has been a huge humanitarian/social justice movement...and many of these efforts leave out the Gospel. When that's what the Gospel is!  The book mentioned below has helped me sort out these feelings.  //end edit//

The past week I've been reading "Humanitarian Jesus," by Christian Buckley and Ryan Dobson (Thank you, Roomie, for letting me read your Cmas present first!).  In it, they discuss the different sides of social justice and evangelism and where the two are able to meet--how Jesus demonstrated where the two meet.  They point out that,

"Jesus was a humanitarian, but of a unique kind.  He healed to reveal true healing.  He fed to reveal true food.  He quenched thirst to reveal everlasting water...Christ understood that His life and our lives are rooted in the freedom of spiritual eternity, not the slavery of physical time and circumstances."  

I love that.  To think about how brief our lives are, it's a scary, yet comforting thing.  Scary because, goodness we only live once so we have to make it count(!).  And comforting because we know that our troubles are only momentary.  I also love, love, love how Gary Haugen, founder of IJM, compares it to breathing.  "You inhale and you exhale.  The gospel is the proclamation of affirmative truth, but it is also in the demonstration of what one is speaking of."  To love someone, you have to be concerned with both their physical and spiritual needs.  The two are inseparable.

Now for this week, to be softened towards people I see every day.

nye.

Tonight is New Year's Eve.  I have to work tomorrow.  The plan was to play Scrabble with my roommate, but instead I am making a list of things to do during 2012 before I turn 27 (yikes!).  It's actually looking alot like my last list, which is a bit depressing.  Have I forgotten how to dream?  Or do I just know what I like?  Either way, I'm going to sleep on it :) 

Bedtime at 10:30.

What I wore

this past Monday.

Is that a suite? (Or half of one? Let's not talk about the other half...)  Yep, that is a suite I'm wearing.  And pearls.  A girl has to look presentable for an interview.

I told my mom one time that since I finished school and have a real job, I'm now perfectly happy being mediocre. I don't care about climbing the ladder or making smart career decisions, necessarily. Then this opportunity all of a sudden fell into my lap, I had immense support from my co-workers, and the path seemed pretty clear. When I first learned of it, I was having none of it because to me it means that I'm a little less free. It wasn't at all in the plan that I had for myself.  It's amazing to me how God guides us.

I am now our floor supervisor!

It's exciting.  It's scary.  I've been having alot of self-doubt and self-criticism flood in, because that's what I do.  I've been so encouraged by the passage in 1 Timothy 4:12:
"Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity."
It's gonna be my theme.  My team is reading a book in preparation to go to India and in it the guy says,

"Whether it's some physical or natural trait, some experience level, or some life circumstance, hear the voice of the Lord saying to you, 'Don't let anyone limit you from fulfilling My call on you for that reason!  In fact, YOU may be the one looking down on yourself, and it stops right now.  I saw that thing about you before I called you, and I still want you.  This team needs you; and I want you to carry My presence to this people.'"

So, I'm gonna do my best, take deep breaths, and take it one day at a time.  And there might be a little of this going on, too: 

Got it.

Today I got my visa for India!  They are letting me in!!!  We had a team meeting tonight, and it's all becoming so much more real.  February is quickly approaching.  I am excited to work with great people, do what we love, and bring light/peace/love/hope, etc along with us.  And the people and the culture--so unlike anything I've ever experienced before (but really, we aren't so different). 

Here's to adventures.

Captain Obvious

It's been so cold outside. But to give credit where credit is due, Texas has been giving us weather consistent with the season (there's a first for everything!)

Here's a smile to warm you up.

Melts my heart every time.

musica for your sabado.

Before too much time passes, I should share...I went with my friend to see Feist in Dallas!

The concert was so good.  She was funny and real.  Also, I gained respect for her when I realized that she is also her own lead guitar.  Impressive that she can maintain such control over her voice even while jamming out.  Her new album sounds alot like her old one, but why change it if you've got something good? :)

If anyone needs a back up singer, I have updated my resume and am interested in applying.

Mistakes, breads, and thinking...

Ooooh man.  I made a Thanksgiving Rookie mistake.  I went to WalMart.  You know, between that and the new El Rancho, I thought I was making the right decision (considering the food items that I needed).  Think again!  The lesson learned:  Never go to any grocery store the day before Thanksgiving.  Screaming children.  Adults who act as if they've never pushed a grocery cart.  Lines that will make you want to just take your stuff and run.

But, I survived.  I got home and realized I forgot butter.  Thank goodness for CVS, because I was not going back to the Walmarts!
Then, I made some green bean casserole and pumpkin bread.  I was so excited about the pumpkin bread.  The problem about breads is that I always get excited about them...and always take them out of the oven too early.  Then they fall and become more of a patty.  Not okay.  Disappointment every time.

I am not always good about reflecting on Thanksgiving about what I'm thankful for.  I take things for granted and I get too distracted by the delicious family foods.  This Thanksgiving I have to go to work, but I am going to make an effort to find a quiet moment during the day and reflect on what God has blessed me with.  Everything we have, and even what we don't have, is a gift from God.

You are loved and cared for.

Roommates

We go to the QT down the street for ice cream. At 11:30 on a Sunday night. Sometimes a girl just needs some cookies and cream...

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For Mom's birthday last month, K&J got family tickets to go to the Japanese Gardens. It was supposed to rain today, but it couldn't have turned out more lovely!  It is nice to be outside, meander where you want, and see gorgeous creation all the while...

Crazy lumberjack!

Fall feet finds:

[It's no wonder he's stolen our hearts...and check out that momma!]

Rascal :)

J made a good point that since we were in the Japanese gardens, this amount of photography was appropriate :)

[color.]

It was a fun day with the family.  Conley did so good, too!  I'm thankful for these people and for days like these.  :)

andy and some honesty.

So last night, I went with Kristin and her friend to see Andy Davis and The Daylights--talk about a flashback to 2005-2006!  He was just about all I listened to my freshman and sophomore years of college.  It was fun.  I hadn't heard much of The Daylights before, but I liked them.  And Andy Davis...hadn't changed a bit, still singing about love and breakups.  Haha!  It was fun piling in the car with the girls, driving and talking, and getting home really late (and on a school night!) ;)  I have a good feeling about November...

In other news, my work schedule is great, giving me several days off in a row.  [It's sad that I just went on vacation and already feel like I need another.]  I've had more time to read and get things checked off my to-do list, which has been nice!  One thing I've read that's been encouraging to me:

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin.  Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.  Hebrews 4:15-16.

I will be honest--lately I've allowed lies to creep into my heart and I've taken them for truth.  This can be credited to me having a general lack of focus in my life.  It's nice to be reminded that what I'm going through is not unusual.  I'm not the first one and I won't be the last, and I have an empathetic Helper who is greater than this.  And really, what I view to be a burden can be the very opposite, if I choose to look at it that way.

let us rejoice, and be glad in it...

These days I'm holding on to good days.
Days like today.
Breakfast at Cracker Barrell with a nursing school friend.
Time (and talks) with my sweet nephew and Mom.
Folding laundry while watching the 6 hour Pride and Prejudice...and finishing off a bag of Rolos.
Makin some taco meat.
Bowling with my roomie and some of her co-workers.
Catching the last of the trick-or-treaters [they were so cute!].
And...taking a walk down memory lane and listening to Andy Davis.

....who I will be seeing in concert on Wednesday night!  I described his music to Kristin as the music that I listened to sophomore year of college when I was feeling sorry for myself driving to Taco Bell at 1am. haha! It's true.

Anyways.
Good days.
 :)

Breathe.

Do you ever have those days when you find yourself holding your breath?  Not figuratively speaking--but you're sitting on the couch watching TV, maybe you're at your computer, and you realize that you haven't breathed in a while?  That's been happening to me over the past few days.

There are times when my happy-tank is running low and I realize that I've let anxieties and fears build up inside without me being aware of it; they are quiet and sneaky.  It is these times when the Holy Spirit gracefully and quietly speaks, reminding me of who I am and who He is.  Reminding me of why I am here in this world in the first place.  It's crazy to me what a big deal that is (understatement!) and how quickly, easily, I lose sight of it.

Pressing on (and wondering if I'll ever get it right),
lauren.

New York Report

New York....  It was so fun forgetting about work and pretending that vacation is my life all the time.  Reality hit hard, though, when I got off the elevator onto that 6th floor.  It is a good place to work, it is.  It's just...work, sometimes.
For Nostalgia's sake, New York was awesome.  The weather was perfect.  Amanda and I both agreed that NY in the mornings was the best--the city waking up, chill in the air, breakfast on the go, kids walking with their parents to school, etc.  It was lovely.

We saw Kelly on Regis & Kelly, ate at the Seinfeld Cafe, ate lots of pizza, spent time in Times Square, saw some musicals, walked through Central Park, went to China Town, walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, went to the Brooklyn Tabernacle, nursed our feet, shopped in Soho, saw some dino fossils, topped the Empire State Building, and caught a bus to catch the plane home....

I had no idea how many huge buildings could be squeezed into such a small space. 

I had no idea my feet would hurt so bad. 

I had no idea so many people smoked (this is 2011, people!). 
I had no idea graffiti could be so beautiful. 

I had no idea Lady Liberty would bring me to tears. 
I had no idea I could navigate the subway system [we felt very accomplished]
I had no idea it would be so fun.

I can't wait to go back :)

You might be wondering

why there have been a lack of posts. [or maybe not, who am I kidding] :)

Let me tell you what I did today to help clarify:
Went to work
Came home
Watched 2 episodes of Friends (I have never watched Friends...)
Watched 1 episode of Everybody Loves Raymond
Watched 2 episodes of New Girl on hulu (I don' love it) in my bed
--Looked up and saw that the whole house was dark--
Made an egg sandwich
Turned on the first game of the World Series
Made some banana bread
Continued to watch the World Series game
..........................................................................
Need I explain?  I'm not apologizing here...I don't regret staying comfy cozy under the covers and catching up on some blah time :)

[in other news, NYC update coming soon!]

Headed North

Well, this has become a pretty boring blog, considering the lack of updates!

First things first, I got a new/used car.  It goes fast and has a sunroof....I never knew a car could be so much fun to drive!

Secondly speaking, me and one of my best friends from high school are going to NYCitaaaay one week from today!  I am so excited.  We've had multiple planning meetings and now have a loose itenerary drawn up, including (but not limited to):  breakfast here, watching this on Broadway, riding to the top of this building, worshipping at this church on Sunday, going to this filming, and eating New York's best pizza.

My exposure to the North Eastern U.S. is extremely limited, so I'm looking forward to soaking up the culture and learning to navigate the oh-so-foreign subway systems :) 

Working until then!

lauren.

Next up! [Neo Aztec Blanket Skirt.]

So, lately I've been in the mood for long skirts, but unable to find one that I like. The solution? Buying this fun fabric:

And these patterns:

to make one myself! (I'm thinking the one on the bottom left...)
The not-so-funny thing was that right after I bought the fabric and pattern, I went to Old Navy and found a long skirt that I loved.  Such is life :)  My project has been on hold due to the possible move, but I think now I can drag it out and get to work!

Hoping that I can remember how to follow a pattern...
lauren.

There's something mildly comforting about old Peter Pan jars that encourages a person to tuck away pennies and quarters and dollars for a slow, rainy day.

Today as Amy and I were selling our junk to make some extra monies, we discovered that we both keep our change in these jars...coincidence?! Pretty much :) Anyway, we got rid of a bunch of extra stuff and got to put some protein in our peanut butter jars!

Noted.

After purchasing a family-size can of condensed tomato soup, lessons have been learned. I have eaten so much tomato soup....and can you imagine how much more I would have eaten if I had known that I was supposed to be adding milk to it this whole time?! I remember doing this same thing with a bag of frozen peas in college...it took me a long time to get over that.

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The soup is gone now.  I have served my time.  Corn niblets are still as good as ever; like cream corn without the cream.  Yummm.

Guys, I'm sorry for posting so much about food.  It won't last forever.  In fact, I have some exciting news...
1.)  I think we found a roommate!  Which means...we don't move....and the non-perishable food challenge will end!!
2.)  I got materials to work on a new project!  I am excited about it, and will share soon :) 
Hint:  You can't get around the issue in the southwest.
hahaha
Bad hint.

Say it ain't so.

From L to R: 1.) Grilled cheese and tomato soup 2.) lil daisies 3.) Buster 4.) grilled sausage, baked beans, apples 5.) sunflower 6.) chicken salad sandwich (with walnuts, cranberries and apples), peas 7.) Cream of wheat, toast, strawberries 8.) bagels 9.) giant mallows.

Though all of this I'm learning....
--that "condensed soup" means that you are supposed to mix it with milk or water; not eat it straight from the can.
--fresh produce makes non-perishables much more delightful
--i have even more non-perishables than previously thought
--there is such thing as too many baked beans
--it's perfectly okay and acceptable to buy flowers for yourself :)

And now, Kristin and I are coming to grips with the fact that the Clary House Days have reached an end.  It has been such a sweet time.  We have been unable to find a 3rd roommate, so now the hunt is on for a new, 2 bedroom abode of some sort.  The thing is, we are cheapies (it's mostly a good thing)....and housing is expensive!  But whatever place we find, we are going to make it home  :)

On my mind

One benefit of being young and single is getting to pet-sit other people's dogs, while not being responsible for your own.  I dog sat this past weekend and because I did not know the internet password and because I'm too technologically challenged to operate Netflix, and because I only had dogs as company, I had alot of time to think :)

Things that are on my mind:
--I have the opportunity to go to India in February on a medical mission trip with my church.
--I don't know a whole lot about India, but it sounds like an awesome trip.
--I have been doing my wishful thinking by buying cardigans for the fall :) 
--Wanting to simplify my life...exploring what that might look like. 
--The end of our lease is coming up + our landlord is crazy = I'm not sure what's we'll do.
--Aiming to be more of a prayer warrior for people in my life...life is tough.

Back to the dogs--here is a video of Jett playing soccer! It's not the most exciting video, but it just cracks me up that he can kick a little ball around intentionally.


Have a happy week!

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Keeping it easy...

So I can stay in the challenge, this is what I had for dinner...it was easy mac, and then I tried to make myself feel better by putting it in my favorite bowl...
Man, I am realizing how many cans of baked beans I have....this is gonna be a long journey...

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Foodie Challenge

After a good, hearty long weekend celebrating both of my grandma's birthdays with my family in Oklahoma...

It's back to the trenches.  Tonight, Kristin, Amy, and I were standing around the kitchen chatting.  We all skipped our usual Wednesday night activities because we are just plain tired and in need of a calm evening.  We were munching on random things and realizing how much food we have in our cabinets that we never eat.  Our lease is up at the end of September and we don't want to be boxing up a bunch of cans of beans, much less carrying those boxes anywhere.  Let's be real.

This led to the challenge:  Make all of our meals out of non-perishable items; you can buy groceries that are perishable to supplement these meals if needed...and you can buy ice cream.  Hey, we are in the middle of a Texas summer!

My first meal for this challenge:  Pasta (I have tons of pasta!) and leftover spaghetti sauce that I had frozen.  And a salad.  Not too creative, but that's not the challenge :) 

Kristin is keeping log of her Challenge results, too, so check it!

Me:  It's going to be kind of embarrassing showing people what I eat every night for dinner...
Kristin:  Be serious.  I just posted a picture of chips and salsa on my blog...

This'll be fun :)

Summer Night Favorite

I haven't shared my favorite night of this summer with you!  Every year around July 24th, we celebrate God's protection of my brother's life. 

He was born with a congenital heart defect that never presented itself until he was running at midnight on the campus of Texas A&M and passed out.  And off duty fireman saw him.  When the ambulance got there, his heart was in ventricular fibrillation--a deadly rhythm that most hearts can't kick out of.  Long story short, he had open heart surgery 2 days (I think) later, and has been as good as new ever since!  It was a really scary, sobering time for all of us.  When you realize how frail life is, you also realize how little and helpless you are in the scheme of things, and how much you are desparate for God.  It is comforting to know that He has everything in his hand.

SO, we have alot to celebrate.  This year my family came over to swim.  My mom made the best meal ever--broccoli, filet mignon (or some really good steak), fruit salad, and coconut pie.  Conley did so good, and laughed and laughed and laughed at Mom shaking a balloon at him. 

Then we went out to the pool before Conley needed to go to bed. Man, that kid! I'll give you one guess as to what he just did in this picture :D

 I promise he was having fun... :)

This passage from Isaiah 40 was my "go-to" passage during this season...

28 Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Ups, Downs.

When discussing what to blog with my roommate, all I could think about was work. I had a really discouraging/stressful day on Sunday, and I left the hospital brainstorming any other jobs I could possibly picture myself doing. Unfortunately, I can't make a living off of surfing the internet, lounging in the pool, or making banners ;)

My dad reminded me that I had been called to nursing. It was a reminder that I really needed. The fact is, I love my actual job, but it's mostly personal insecurities and personality conflicts that can sometimes get in the way.

Discouraged, I started reading in one of Elisabeth Elliot's books. She said,

It is through the tender austerity of our very troubles that the Son of Man comes knocking. In every event He seeks an entrance to my heart, yes, even in my most helpless, futile, fruitless moments. The very cracks and empty crannies of my life, my perplexities and hurts and botched-up jobs, He wants to fill with Himself, His joy, His life. The more unsatisfactory my "performance," the more He calls me to share His yoke. I should know by now that mine makes me tired and overburdened. He urges me to learn of Him: "I am gentle and humble in heart."

Just what I needed to hear, reinforcing what I know but needed to be reminded of... My purpose and perspective towards work has been skewed. What an encouragement that I don't have to be perfect, because in my shortcomings and weakness He is stronger. It's really not even about my job in the end anyway--it's about being in love with God and in turn loving people, and it's times like these when it's clear I need Him to be able to do so. To be able to pour, you have to be filled.
His yoke is easy. His burden is light.

Sunny Summer Songs

FINALLY, it's finished!  I've made it a tradition (for 3 years running) to compile a summer tunes playlist...most of the time it takes me forever--because actually burning songs to a CD seems so final, and there's alot of good music out there!  So officially there's no turning back; it has been burned onto a disc :)



Create a playlist at MixPod.com

I like how when you hear certain songs it takes your mind back to that period of time when you heard the song alot, and then all of a sudden you get that familiar taste/flavor of that season of your life.  I've found that songs on my summer CDs usually send me into that same throwback when I hear them later.

Enjoy!  What songs are you listening to this summer?